


something that we both know

by doofusface



Series: drabbles misc [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Regret, Serious Injuries, Whump, YES I AM AWARE IT IS 3K IT STILL READS LIKE A DRABBLE OKAY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:42:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doofusface/pseuds/doofusface
Summary: “This can’t be right.”Cindy shakes her head, her voice carrying on. “He took a bad hit,” she sighs heavily, leaning back on the tree. “I hope he makes it.”





	something that we both know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wryencounter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wryencounter/gifts).



> are you ready for ANGST  
> and MISSED CHANCES  
> and REGRET  
> and ZERO PLOT
> 
> non-graphic surgery and violence references
> 
> title from love less my r.lum.r

He leaves in the middle of senior year.

He doesn’t even tell them, which makes the fear of thinking he’d been kidnapped or worse turn into a sucker punch that stings for the next…well, for the next year that they don’t see him.

Except, they _do_ see him.

On the news, like everybody else.

They see him save people and cats and dogs and free-roaming bicycles and they’re left with the empty feeling that comes with being ghosted.

And then one day, Ned tells MJ that Peter visited him, and tells her that he’s deferring next semester to move to upstate New York for work.

And MJ thinks, y’know, if _anything_ , this would be it. This would be how Ned tells her that Peter’s Spider-Man, that that’s why he’s moving, that Peter’d still been in contact with him ever since he and May bounced from Queens unexpectedly, and that he was sorry he helped his superhero friend ghost their only other close friend in Midtown for the past year.

Except he doesn’t, which, okay, fair, he’s loyal.

But it still stings.

And then the one year turns into two, and Ned still stays in contact.

Well.

Tries to.

One time, they’re mid-call, and May walks into whatever room Ned’s at, tries to say hello to MJ, and then _Peter_ says something from far away, and Ned and May both make a hasty goodbye.

And it keeps happening.

And suddenly, she’s trying to live her best life with Cindy and Sally and Abe and sometimes Liz, who likes to visit Stanford because alumnus privileges are great, but it’s still a little hard.

Because she can’t talk to them in the same way she could talk to Ned.

And she _definitely_ can’t talk to them in the same way she could talk to _Peter_.

And she thinks, _maybe_.

Maybe if she didn’t lean in, too.

Maybe she’d be at Columbia.

Maybe he’d be at NYU.

Maybe they’d still talk, still be friends.

Maybe he wouldn’t have run away.

* * *

“Yo, MJ?” Cindy says, waving a hand in front of her friend’s face. “Hellooo?”

“Ears work, Cinds,” MJ blanks, lowering her book. The grass beneath her rustles as she leans back on the tree currently serving as her back support. “What is it?”

“Did you see the news?” Cindy asks, joining her on the ground and passing her phone.

A paused video on her screen says hello while MJ shakes her head. She takes the phone, scrolling up to read the headline.

Her brows knit, a frown etching itself deeper into her face. It takes too much force to keep her hands steady as she plays the video. “This can’t be right.”

Cindy shakes her head, her voice carrying on. “He took a bad hit,” she sighs heavily, leaning back on the tree. “I hope he makes it.”

“Isn’t he supposed to have healing powers or something?” MJ says, replaying the video. There’s a small, creeping feeling of guilt in her stomach.

She shouldn’t be guilty.

She didn’t leave.

 _He_ did.

Then, because her brain is a traitor:

_But you still—_

_I don’t._

_You sure?_

“MJ, you okay?” Cindy says, and it’s so soft but so unsure that it calls her back to her senses, makes her say something that’s a complete lie but vaguely reassuring, like:

“Yeah, I just—I remembered I have a paper to finish, my laptop’s back in the dorm. I’ll see you at class.”

And then MJ books it, and Cindy tries to call her back, and she makes the single most terrifying decision she’s ever made in her life:

She locks her dorm, pulls out her phone, and calls Ned.

* * *

Here’s the thing: by this time, Ned hasn’t been able to get in contact with her _at all_ for, say, eleven months.

Not his fault—she wanted to make it easier on him and May, because they were trying to sneak around Peter and whoever else was with them in the compound.

One or ten of Tony’s sentient robots, probably.

She didn’t _want_ to cut contact, obviously, and neither did _they_ , and she misses them a heckuvalot more than she’s ever admitted to Liz, but she knew.

Tony was protecting Peter.

Peter was protecting them.

They would want to protect her.

Like, they were bad about breaking it off because they knew about her like…trust issues, but they did _want_ to.

So she did it instead.

And Ned had tried, multiple times, to hack Stanford’s system to get in contact with her, and each time?

_Message deleted._

_Number blocked._

_Sent to Spam Folder._

But if Spider-Man’s reportedly _dying_?

Like, for _real_ , with an official statement from the Avengers and everything?

Well, crap.

Guess some things really put others in perspective, huh?

His phone rings once, and he doesn’t let her get a word in before: “ _MJ? I was about—I was going to call you, I, um—you’re still at Stanford, right? You—listen, I gotta go, I gotta take care of something, okay? But stay at your dorm, someone’s gonna pick you up—_ ”

Um. “What?”

“ _I really gotta go, M, but I’ll explain later, okay? Please don’t give Happy a hard time, okay? For me? I gotta—I’ll see you soon, MJ, I love you, buddy_ ,” he adds just as quickly, before abruptly hanging up.

And then someone knocks on her door and he looks grumpy/sad enough to be named Happy and one foot is in front of the other and suddenly:

She’s in a car, then she’s on a plane, and Happy says something like _That kid never shut up about you,_ and she snaps a little, but not in an angry way.

Like shock.

Like an old, thinning line of thread that was edging toward breaking because of all the weight it had on one end.

And she doesn’t even notice they land, because Happy’s giving her the _Most Awkward_ hug she’s ever had in her life—and she’s had a lot—plus the fact that her eyes are apparently waterfalls now, and her throat feels like a desert.

“MJ…” she hears from by the jet’s door, and _dang it_ , she almost loses it again because she didn’t know she was going to hear the shaking-yet-calming voice of Ned Leeds in person ever again, yet here he was.

“I was right,” MJ says softly as Happy lets her go and she turns to look at Ned, and it’s like, the worst thing in the world.

To be right.

About your best friend being a superhero.

Whoddathunk.

Ned’s eyes are puffier than hers and she doesn’t need a mirror to verify. “I’m sorry.”

“It was his idea.”

“I’m still sorry.”

His hands are shaking and he probably shouldn’t be walking without assistance but _technically_ , if they’re _both_ leaning on each other, it _is_ with assistance, isn’t it?

* * *

Peter’s in a room that isn’t white (from what she can see), but _is_ sterile, surrounded by who she assumes are doctors.

They skedaddle into the hallway, silent save for Ned’s sniffling.

MJ sees May.

May sees MJ.

MJ watches, as May gets up from her seat by the window on the door to his room, watches as she somehow has more strength than her and Ned combined, walking towards them without a single shake in her step.

(Didn’t Peter tell them May was a mess when Ben died? Didn’t he tell them that his aunt could barely get up, barely talk?)

“They won’t let anyone in,” May says simply, leading them to the seats.

“You’re okay,” MJ says.

“I can feel it in my gut,” May says firmly, and MJ gets it. “Peter’s going to make it. You’ll see.”

MJ frowns. “But the article—”

“It _looks_ bad, I’m—” May exhales, and for a second her resolve breaks, “I know how bad it looks. I’ve worked at the ER long enough to know how bad it looks. And he’s my baby, but…I also know, that, well—Peter’s _stubborn_.”

Ned chuckles. “Oh, yeah.”

MJ just snorts.

“Sweetie,” May says, and she’s got an arm around each of them now, but she’s looking at MJ. “He’s not going without talking to you first.”

“Didn’t do that before,” MJ quips halfheartedly.

May’s smile is too reassuring to look away from. “Trust me.”

* * *

There are flashes and alarms a few hours later, and even May is a little rattled, but she keeps repeating her promise until the sounds and sights die down and leave them in an empty, quiet hallway once again.

Happy walks over every twenty minutes on the dot, peeks inside the room for ten seconds, then leaves again.

MJ barely registers members of the Avengers taking turns stopping by and asking for an update.

Her phone keeps buzzing something fierce and she remembers that she _left school_ without telling anyone, and if she says she’s visiting a sick friend then Cindy is _probably_ going to figure it out, because she’s not as oblivious as she was in high school.

So she thanks Stanford for giving her a single dorm and texts Cindy that she’s _not feeling well. send me notes_ , and that’s that.

Ned keeps drinking caffeinated drinks and MJ has to pry off his fingers from the fourth one because she’s _not losing two people tonight, got it, Leeds?_

And then that makes her regret what she says, because it sounds like she’s about to lose _one_ , and none of them want that.

* * *

There are about four rotations of doctors who go in and out of the room.

Ned relays this information to her on Day Two, because she’s exhausted and May’s cooing got her to fall asleep, and Ned says she needs to know _because I’m about to pass out but don’t freak out if you see them leaving, they need fresh eyes and they’re in teams, I checked_.

And then he passes out, and it's her and May staring at those stupid grey doors waiting for Peter to come out and laugh awkwardly as he apologizes.

MJ doesn’t even need him to acknowledge her at this point.

She just needs to know that May will still have her nephew, and Ned will still have his best friend.

* * *

It’s painful.

They hear it, and it is _painful_.

Whatever it is that got lodged in Peter’s body was messing up all their medical machinery _and_ healing him at varying speeds in the worst way.

It’s why surgery takes a little over three days, and why Peter is somehow awake when they’re at the end of it, pulling out the offending alien shard from a spot by his heart.

MJ leaves for the bathroom five seconds after it starts, and May finds her there a minute later, scrubbing at her ears like some non-murdering version of Lady Macbeth.

MJ thinks, for once, that’s she’s glad she doesn’t dream, because all that she’d hear are the cracked, hazy pleas for help that are now stuck with her forever.

* * *

(She finds Ned outside the bathroom door and she asks him if _there’s a way to make it go away_ — _I know you’ve seen some stuff_ , and Ned says, “Maybe, but I haven’t found it yet.”)

* * *

May gives her and Ned and Tony a triumphant smile when they say she can come in to see Peter, and MJ reminds herself that May is probably always right about everything.

“I can’t believe it,” Ned says, breathlessly once they’re alone in the hallway again. “Like, I know how bad that sounds, but you didn’t see him,” he continues, turning to MJ. “I thought he was already—I…he was _bad_ , you know?”

“Cindy showed me the video,” MJ nods distractedly. “He…”

“He must really wanna say sorry,” Ned laughs incredulously, a hand wiping over his face. “I can’t believe it. Oh, man. I’m so _happy_.”

And then, because she’s not supposed to know:

MJ stands up abruptly, breath catching as she speeds off to the nearest exit, bumping into Hawkeye and Black Widow and not even _flinching_ as she does so.

She hears Ned call after her, hears him run.

Maybe the _thud_ was him slamming into the Avengers she’d just passed.

Doesn’t matter.

She’s out and trying to find a ride away before he can catch up.

* * *

It’s just her luck that break is two days later and she can afford cuts for the rest of the week.

She goes straight to Queens and tells her parents she’d come home early as a surprise, and then locks herself in her room for approximately one day.

She shuts off her phone and unplugs the landline because she already knows Ned might be trying to reach her again, and…

What is she doing here, anyway?

What is she playing at, pretending everything’s fine, just because Peter woke up?

Doesn’t she want to tell him something?

(She _definitely_ wants to _throw_ something at him.)

Why, huh?

Why didn’t she stay?

_Because he never wanted me there._

_Or maybe he wanted you there too much._

_Implausible theory._

_What would you do, MJ? If you loved someone and they could die by just being around you? What would you do?_

“Run away,” she breathes.

So she does it for him.

* * *

_By bringing awareness to the issue, I was showing you that you need to show him that that was a stupid plan._

_Or I could respect it._

_You almost lost him._

_You’re my brain, shouldn’t you be on my side?_

_I am._

* * *

“Honey, someone’s here for you!” her dad calls from the doorway, and dang it, why does Ned have to be persistent when she’s halfway through a Bollywood movie and perfectly content under a pile of pillows?

“Tell him I’m dead,” she calls back, but then:

“I’m sorry, Peter, she’s been—”

MJ’s out of the couch and by the door before her father can add another word. “Why are you here?” she says in _complete shock_ , because it’s _not Ned_ , it’s _100% Peter_.

“I wanted, to, um, to talk to you, if that’s okay?” Peter says, in his Peter-y voice, with his Peter-y awkwardness, and she still can’t believe he was ten seconds from death just the other day.

“Dad,” she says, turning to her father, “I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”

He nods, smiling a goodbye at Peter as they leave.

 _Click_ , goes the door.

And thus, they are on the street, which is a little cold for this time of year, but such is unpredictable weather when climate change is involved.

He’s in a hoodie and jeans, she’s in an oversized sweater stolen from Ned two years ago and sweatpants stolen from…

“Peter,” MJ says when they’ve walked down another block in silence.

“MJ,” Peter says, the side of his lips quirking as it escapes. “Huh. I missed saying your name.”

She shoves her hands into her pockets. “Happy says you don’t shut up about me.”

“I missed saying it to _you_.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I—”

“Could’ve called. Anytime,” she says, and thinks, _I guess we’re doing this_.

Peter looks around quickly, then: “I’m not sorry that I didn’t tell you I was Spider-Man.” Pause. “Am. Him.”

 _Shrug_. “Okay.”

“I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“May and Ned know, and _they’re_ not hurt,” MJ says, and she picks at a loose thread inside her left pocket.

“May and Ned aren’t—” Peter starts, sighing as he stops in front of her. “They aren’t _you_.”

“I didn’t want to kiss you,” she lies, because he’s way too close and she wants to.

It cuts pain through his face for split second, but he comes to his senses. “…You don’t have to lie to me.”

“You wouldn’t have left if I didn’t.”

“I would’ve, probably.”

“No, you wouldn’t’ve, because then you wouldn’t’ve known that I lo—” _Cough_. “Nevermind. Doesn’t matter. You’re up and running again. I’m going back to Stanford next week. You’ll be here with Ned and May. I’ll be with the Nerd Squad.” MJ pauses, pursing her lips. “Back to normal.”

He does One (1) romantic-comedy move, and takes her arms and tugs out her hands and holds them. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m…I’m sorry I never told you I loved you.”

Aw, crap.

 _Crap_.

* * *

_They lean in and the cool air is making them stand closer, and the setting sun is beautiful, and this is perfect, and—_

_A police car zooms by, sirens wailing, and they break apart before coming together._

Curse _. “I gotta go,” Peter says, eyes wide. He shuffles his hands around, a little lost. “I’m—sorry, I’ll—”_

_MJ almost tells him she knows._

_Or the other thing._

_But._

_She smiles instead._

_“It’s cool, dork. Maybe next time.”_

* * *

_There is no next time._

_There were hostages and a mutated man vowing revenge against Spider-Man on the news, and the last she sees of Peter is watching him put together the last pieces of what will be his plan to keep his loved ones safe._

_Starting with leaving_ her _._

* * *

“What’s in the past can stay there,” MJ says, clearing her throat.

_I don’t want this._

_Yes, you do._

Peter shakes his head. “Present tense.”

“This is all very dramatic, Peter.”

“I just wanted to tell you, MJ,” he says, squeezing her hands, eyes locked on hers. “I love you. Okay? You can go back to hating me forever, but I just needed to tell—”

“Bold of you to assume I could hate you,” MJ says, quirking a brow. She’s a little surprised, a little wide-eyed, a little confused.

Peter blinks. “Uh. What?”

 _Swallow_. “I’m…you know, I’m, uh, I love you. In love with you. All that jazz.”

He’s gaping now. “You… _why?_ ”

“Um.” _Frown._ “Because you’re great. Usually. When you’re not busy cutting me out of your life in some twisted way of protecting me.”

“Oh,” he says, and it reminds her of him during winter practices at Abe’s house, his breath forming wisps close enough to feel.

“Peter, what are you doing?” she asks exasperatedly, tilting her head. “This won’t work if…You—we both know you’re gonna leave me again.”

“No,” he says, and he almost sounds mad about it.

No, not mad.

 _Insulted_.

He squares up, like she’s seen him do against that Mysterio dude on TV. “I did that. I _tried_ that. I almost died hundreds of times and every single time I wanted to call you, but then I’d get out of it okay. And then…and then I was almost _really_ dead, and…it’s…it’s not worth it. _You_ are.”

“I go to Stanford,” MJ blanks.

Peter shrugs. “I can visit.”

“You’re not leaving New York to fend for itself, even for a day. It's too un-Peter-like.”

“Mr. Stark’s here, and Dr. Strange and everybody else.”

“Okay,” she says, slowly, “but you have to bring Ned.”

He nods, earnest. “Wouldn’t not.”

“…You’re getting a little close there, Parker.”

“That’s you.”

 _Gulp._ “No, I’m pretty sure that’s you.”

“Okay,” Peter breathes, nose touching hers, “might be me.”

“I missed you,” MJ whispers, before tilting down.

* * *

Maybe she shouldn’t have leaned in back then.

Then again, maybe she shouldn’t have pulled back.

Maybe she’d be helping in the Spidey Squad between college assignments.

Maybe he’d be taking her out every weekend to roam and to read.

Maybe Sally and Abe wouldn’t be blowing up her phone with incessant teasing.

Maybe Ned and May wouldn’t be, too.

But.

Of course.

Some things are just gonna happen anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> heck if _i_ know what this is
> 
> doofwrites on tumblr, yell @ me there or here, and i love you guyssss
> 
> God bless you all!!


End file.
